The Earth Is Flat for Sure

All right. This is a serious article. Yeah, I know it won’t look like one, but it is.

There are actual people who believe the Earth is flat. When I first heard about flat-Earthers, I thought they were joking. Some elaborate internet comedy experiment. Maybe a bunch of bored dickheads trying to figure out exactly how much bullshit they could say before somebody noticed.

Nope. They are seriously serious. And the really beautiful part? These people have voting rights. The same voting rights as you and me.

People love saying that “we are all equal.” Legally, sure. Human rights, absolutely. Intelligence? Fuck no. I refuse to accept collective responsibility for somebody looking at the Moon, the Sun, eclipses, satellites, time zones, international aviation, orbital mechanics, and thousands of years of astronomy and concluding:

“Nah. Pancake.”

I’m pretty fucking confident we are not all equally intelligent.

And Some of Them Enter Politics

Here comes the slightly worrying part.

You might imagine flat-Earth believers living in a basement somewhere, measuring the horizon with a bubble level while uploading a three-hour YouTube video explaining how NASA, airlines, universities, meteorologists, GPS manufacturers, astronomers, physicists, and apparently the entire shipping industry have maintained the same gigantic conspiracy without somebody accidentally emailing the secret flat-Earth PDF to the wrong person.

Unfortunately, some of them enter politics.

I like names in my articles, so let’s meet a few people who have publicly embraced flat-Earth nonsense, flirted with it, questioned whether we can know Earth is round, or somehow managed to become confused about the basic shape of the fucking planet.

And because human stupidity deserves proper documentation, let’s do it from oldest to newest.

Dean Odle

We begin in Alabama.

Pastor Dean Odle says he became convinced of a flat Earth in 2015, attended the inaugural Flat Earth International Conference in 2017, and in 2019 self-published a 479-page book promoting a biblical flat-Earth cosmology. He later entered politics, running for governor of Alabama in 2022 and subsequently launching a campaign for lieutenant governor.

Four hundred and seventy-nine fucking pages.

I don’t think I could write 479 pages explaining why my refrigerator is rectangular, and I can actually fucking see it.

Imagine investing that amount of time into arguing against something people figured out more than two thousand years ago. At some point around page 237, surely you stop typing, stare at the ceiling, and think:

Maybe I should get a hobby.

Gardening. Fishing. Porn. Anything.

Bret Bussman

Next stop, Minnesota.

In May 2023, Bret Bussman posted material claiming to show leaked footage of a flat Earth. That wasn’t a one-time brain fart. He later shared more flat-Earth videos, fake-moon-landing material, claims about a celestial “firmament,” and a video titled “5 Reasons Why I BELIEVE in the Flat Earth (And You Should Too!).”

Then, in March 2025, Republicans in Minnesota’s 7th Congressional District elected him their district chairman.

And this is where the joke becomes slightly less funny. A random person believing the Earth is flat is entertaining. A person rising inside a political organization while believing that huge chunks of established science and space exploration are fabricated is rather different, because politics occasionally requires evaluating evidence.

At least theoretically.

I know. Cute concept.

Kandiss Taylor

Later in May 2023, Georgia gave us Kandiss Taylor, a former Republican candidate for governor who had become a GOP district chair.

Taylor became fascinated by something sinister.

Globes.

There are globes everywhere. Schools have globes. Stores sell globes. Movies contain globes. Television shows contain globes.

Suspicious!

While talking with flat-Earth guests on her podcast, Taylor complained that globes were everywhere and suggested their constant presence was part of brainwashing people into accepting that Earth is round.

This is magnificent reasoning. Using the same method, I have recently uncovered an enormous international conspiracy involving chairs.

They’re fucking everywhere. Homes have chairs. Restaurants have chairs. Schools have chairs. Offices have chairs. I have even seen chairs on television.

WHY ARE THEY PUSHING CHAIRS SO HARD?

Wake up, sheeple.

Taylor later insisted she wasn’t actually a flat-Earther while continuing to complain about globe propaganda.

Right.

Nothing clears up suspicions of flat-Earth beliefs quite like explaining that the globes are still propaganda.

Ramona Storm

Later in 2023, Germany joined the party.

Ramona Storm, an AfD politician who went on to become a member of Bavaria’s state parliament, was asked whether she believed Earth was flat. Her answer was that she couldn’t conclusively judge whether it was.

Storm later said she had only been ironic and that the reporter hadn’t understood her.

Of course.

At this point, I’m starting to think “I was being ironic” is simply the political version of deleting your browser history when somebody walks into the room.

Lukáš Machala

Now we arrive in Slovakia.

In April 2024, Lukáš Machala, a senior official at Slovakia’s Ministry of Culture, was asked whether flat-Earth believers should get space in public broadcasting. He responded by questioning whether it was actually proven that Earth is round and asked the reporter whether he had personally been to space.

Apparently, if Machala hasn’t seen something with his own eyes, science can go fuck itself.

Machala later tried to distance himself from the episode. Fine. Nice try to hide that he’s dumb.

Hungarians even have an old pejorative expression for Slovaks, “buta tót,” literally “stupid Slovak.” It’s an old ethnic stereotype, not exactly the kind of phrase you put on a friendship bracelet.

But in Machala’s particular case?

Well… sometimes an old insult accidentally finds the right customer.

Que Kenny

And finally, Australia managed to provide our newest entry.

Que Kenny ran as an independent Senate candidate for the Northern Territory in the 2025 Australian federal election. Asked whether she believed Earth was flat, she said she was “not sure either way.” She also described watching flat-Earth material as something that helped her relax.

I have several methods of relaxing. Music. A movie. A hot shower. Jerking off. Never have I thought: You know what would calm my nerves? Questioning the geometry of the fucking planet.

Well, looking at Que Kenny, I can’t say she gives me the impression that a sophisticated discussion about astronomy is about to begin. She looks like somebody who has already had a long and difficult argument with both gravity and a buffet.

Just don’t ask her what shape the fucking planet is.

“Do You Have Evidence the Earth Is a Globe?”

Now, after writing this, I fully expect some genius to use my contact form and ask:

“Do you have evidence that the Earth is a globe?”

First of all, please don’t contact me under any circumstances. I actively try to avoid idiots.

Second, I went to school. I actually enjoyed physics and basic astronomy. We already covered this shit.

No, I haven’t personally flown into space and looked down at Earth. I also haven’t personally split an atom, measured the distance to the Moon, or drilled through the planet to check what’s inside.

Fortunately, civilization invented this useful little thing called accumulated scientific evidence, so every person on Earth doesn’t have to personally repeat thousands of years of observations and experiments before accepting something as true.

Before taking an antibiotic, I don’t rebuild a microbiology lab in my kitchen. Before using Wi-Fi, I don’t personally rederive Maxwell’s equations. And before taking a flight, I don’t demand that the pilot prove aerodynamics to me using a fucking whiteboard.

That’s not blind faith. That’s understanding how evidence works.

The Actually Worrying Part

Believing stupid shit isn’t illegal, and it shouldn’t be. You’re perfectly entitled to believe the Earth is flat, pigeons work for the CIA, Finland doesn’t exist, or your toaster communicates with Saturn after midnight. Enjoy yourself.

The problem starts when people who cannot distinguish “I personally haven’t seen it” from “there is no evidence for it” start seeking positions where evaluating evidence is rather fucking important.

Actually, this raises a philosophical question: is this really the fault of the individuals mentioned above? I’m not so sure.

Because at some point, somebody had to look at these people, listen to the shit coming out of their mouths, and think: “Yep. That’s the one I’m voting for.” And somehow, that is even more worrying. Well, it sucks.